(inspired by Sanaa Lathan & Rod-zilla)
One of my favorite actresses, Sanaa Lathan played the role of a successful, intelligent Black woman who found herself in an interracial relationship in the movie Something New. Although I never saw the movie all the way through, it wasn't hard to guess the plot:
Hard-working and successful Black woman works her way up the corporate ladder only to find herself without many options in the dating arena. Fed up with trifling brothas with their babymommas and selfish ways, she finds "something new", in the form of a white man.
The movie in tandem with the segment on CNN's "Black in America" which spoke to the dwindling hopes many Black women feel about their chances to get married, has raised a couple of interesting scenarios not seen before in Black America. Is the eligible Black man to Black woman ratio so lopsided that Black women feel the need to date outside their race for the first time ever? Or is still a phenomenon that has been exaggerrated by sistas at the salon or brothas at the barbershop. For years, Black men have crossed the color line in search of a mate. White women, and other women of color have been chosen, while some sistas fumed. It has to be somewhat of a self-esteem blow for a women who in her mind, has all the tools to be somebody's wife. Before I let my cape get too tight, let me explain that I've let a couple of these wife-like women get away myself.
In speaking to one of my brothas who takes exception with women who choose to lay with the "slave-master" (his term), I had to let him know that lately, we haven't been the most husband-like brothas. Knowing women that I consider friends choose to be in relationships with men who are not Black, its hard to pass judgement on those who you respect. Are they "damaged goods" or is it a case of being treated better? This is not to say all the problems lie on our laps as Black men. There are plenty of good brothas who are single, not by choice, but because some women choose to look the other way because of what the last brotha did. The sad truth is some women fail to look internally to try to find the answers to their questions. A woman who on the surface has all the tools, may have enough baggage to scare any man away, regardless of race. And of course, the opposite is true.
But its not all doom and gloom. If nothing else, the elevation of Barack and Michelle Obama in the hearts and minds of Black America, has brought back the concept and reality of Black love.
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another great post, kenyon, but of course, me being me, i have to get my two cents in.
ReplyDeleteIt seemed to me that there is an assumption being taken for granted that people in inter-racial relationships are dating based on race. I can only speak for myself, but dating a black man does not mean that i am dating him because he is black, nor does it mean that i would date all black men. I have heard many times "oh, she likes black guys" and i find it very frustrating. what i like are kind, smart, considerate guys. i like guys who treat me well and who understand me. if they happen to be black, fine, if not, that is fine too. If you were to ask me what i love about my man, i would say that i love his wit, i love his strong leadership capabilities, i respect his talent and ability, i am attracted to his abs and his eyelashes among other things, and i appreciate that he is taller than me! no where on my list would you find, i love him because he is black.
I think that when it comes to something like relationships, which are already so complicated, it seems crazy to limit and restrict ones options by saying, i won't date these types or i will only date those types.
As it happens, if i recall correctly, in "Something New", Sanaa's character actually found herself attracted to a white man and refused to persue a relationship with him strictly for that reason. I don't think it was a reaction to her feelings about black men.
I know that we dont live in a perfect world, and that people make the decision of who they choose to date based on many different factors including income, height, weight, etc., so why should race be excluded from this list.
I guess the answer is that it doesn't have to be excluded. Each individual can make their own list of criteria based on what is important to them. My problem is with people who confusetheir list with THE list, resulting in judgement of anyone who doesn't comply.
The criteria that people use to select their partner is an extremely personal thing, and to place judgement on someone based on who they to date is closed minded and offensive, and in my opinion takes our society in the wrong direction.
I may get some flack from this but so be it. I gave up on Black men for a second because no they were not making the cut. I'm not trying to be a grown man's mother. I want a man. But, I really didn't want to date anything but a man of color because I'm just not attracted to anything else but. Black women, let's not forget our African immigrant brothers. They are overachievers. I'm quite happy to date a Nigerian born man.
ReplyDeleteIts always important to hear the other side of the story. We often hear blanket statements about the submissiveness of 'other' women being the reason that Black men choose to date outside their race, but rarely do we hear these 'other' voices speak.
ReplyDelete"littlebigman" has the right outlook and understanding in my opinion! I am a Blackman and I date women. Black, White, Latin, Indian, Irish, etc. I have always gotten flack from sista's for my choices however, they are my choices and are made because of who I am and what I happen to like in a woman- which has nothing to do with color.
ReplyDeleteI am and have always been an adventurous type of man so I like to camp, hike, swim, scuba dive, ski and all things that expose me to the Greatness of our earth and outdoors!
I had a serious problem trying to get any "sista-girl" to go on a hiking or camping trip with me and I won't even go into the argument that I had trying to convince a sista-girl to come swimming with me, even though it was 95 degrees outside! So, I took my next door neighbor, who happened to be White. She was outside while I was packing my car to go off camping alone. She was up early and asked me about it and said that she would love to go but no-one she knew was into that. We went and had a really good time.
I believe that we need to "Live and Let Live" and stop being racist in our dating.
I will always seek out a woman who matches what I want and that may come in a variety of colors.
Choosing a person based solely on color is racism, in my opinion. I have nothing against my own race, I love my people! I love our women! I will not wait around trying to find a specific woman of color when I have millions of other choices right in front of my face.
Please don't take this to any extreme, if there is a woman of color and we hit it off, then I am happy however, if there is an Asian woman that I hit it off with, I am not going to end the relationship because she is not black!