The Down Low....Real, Imagined or Both?

Sometimes, all it takes is Oprah. An appearance on the nation's most popular talk show is a sure-fire route to many things; wealth and notoriety being the two most coveted.

Controversy is also a bi-product as well. It was one appearance by noted author Terry McMillan that changed perceptions of Black male-female relationships forever. McMillan, author of such works as Disappearing Acts and How Stella Got Her Groove Back, (both of which were made into films), brought an issue to the fore that had previously only been a whisper in the past.

The 'Down-Low' Brother.

Black men who are on the down-low maintain a heterosexual lifestyle on the surface, sometimes through marriage, but also engage in homosexual acts in private. When McMillan spoke on Oprah that she had been the victim of this betrayal, Black women across the country began to wonder privately (sometimes out loud), 'could this be me'? What came next was something that resembled half-phenomenon, half-urban legend.

There is no question that this issue, while important, came at the wrong time (or right time depending on your perspective), for Black women. Faced with the decreasing number of eligible Black men in their communities due to the increasing number of Black men being incarcerated, pursuing women outside their race, etc., this was fuel added to the fire of Black womens' frustrations with their brothers. They were now faced with something they couldn't as readily identify as Black men being in jail or dating 'other' women. Their men could be loving them one night, then in the arms of another brotha the next. I understand the fear.

But when does fear become fact and caution become paranoia? I often heard my female friends speak about the down low as if anyone could fall victim. Granted, there are real and dangerous consequences to these acts. The cases of HIV and AIDS amongst Black women are rising like no other. This in itself is enough to give anyone pause. There is no cause to believe that this has nothing to do with Black men playing both sides of the fence. But is every man a possibility. Most definitely not.

When it comes down to communication between Black men and women, this is the least likely to succeed. The majority of Black men have no time for it and are offended if its even brought up. Their reasoning is that their woman should know already. Whereas women, often with facts but more often with hearsay, do not know.

The truth is, there are some men who are down low, but I would venture an educated guess and say the majority are not. But if nothing else, the hope is that this issue will be talked about more freely in the communities that need to the most.

We can always hope....